One Step Closer to the Kankor—Yet Unfinished
finally, like a wounded eagle, I will not stay in the corner of this prison. I will be released from this jail with broken wings and winning claws
By Madina Faramarz
I am a young girl from Afghanistan, living in a family of nine. I was passionate about studying and wanted to go to school as soon as possible to achieve my dreams. The day my parents tried to enroll me in school, I could not join because I was only six. Disheartened, we returned home. Days and nights were spent, and I counted every minute and second until I turned seven and could finally enroll in school. Time went by, and I turned seven. I was officially enrolled in school, and I was searching the house for the books I received and a bag to carry them in.
My eyes fell upon my older brother’s bag, which he hadn’t used in years. Excitedly, I packed my books into it. Every day, I eagerly headed to school. The first few years were wonderful, and I studied with enthusiasm. By the ninth grade, I was among the top ten students. As I entered high school and grew older, I also started understanding life’s difficulties. The lessons were getting more complicated daily, and I couldn’t entirely focus on my studies due to family issues. Nevertheless, I tried my best not to drop from the top ten and graduated ninth in my class.
I had to prepare for the Kankor exam, but my father didn’t want his daughters to attend courses. He said, “What you’ve studied so far is enough.” However, I did not give in to his words because I had dreams and promises to fulfill them. Despite this, I enrolled in a prep course. My class was from eight to ten in the morning, but I had left an hour earlier. From behind the glass of the math class, I used to write down the lesson that the teacher taught to others. Because we were from a low-income family and lacked the financial power to pay for two courses. But to achieve my dreams for myself and my country, I had to work hard.
The Kankor exam was the first step toward my dreams. I woke up at five every day, performed my prayers, and headed to the course. It was the cold winter season; the roads were icy, and the air was freezing. When I was going to school in the morning, I imagined that I would meet people on the way, maybe they would say negative things, or because of the presence of drug addicts or animals, I would be overcome by fear. To be honest, why should I lie? I was timid; fear was in me, but I had to achieve my dreams.
With fear and trembling, I was crossing the icy roads, holding on to the hope of achieving my goals. I constantly reminded myself, “If you want to succeed, you must face the fears and challenges on your path.” Whether in harsh or mild weather, with a full or empty stomach, I never stopped trying. In our class, I was one of only two girls among all the boys. My friend encouraged me to prove myself among them. We lived in a traditional society where boys were more visible and valued than girls. After a while, the course held a mock Kankor exam.
In this chaotic time, I studied hard as if it were the real Kankor exam. I was worried about how I would feel if I scored low among all the boys. Then I thought, “What if I fail?” But I told myself, “Sometimes you must experience failure to reach success.” The following day, I went to the course where all the boys were gathered, looking at a paper. My heart was racing to see my score. One of my classmates, a boy, said, “Congratulations, sister! I came first, and you came second.” All the boys looked at me, and I felt immense joy holding my first appreciation letter from the Kankor prep course.
Every time we had an exam, I received an appreciation letter, each one a step closer to my goals. I love journalism and broadcasting and always listen to the news. One day, following the news, I was shocked to hear that Afghanistan’s provinces were falling one by one to the Taliban. I couldn’t believe it, as we had so many soldiers, officers, and commanders. But this was a bitter reality that shocked everyone. I had heard stories from the early days of the Taliban, and I was terrified. I asked myself what would happen, and maybe they wouldn’t let us girls study anymore.
Because, in the first Taliban regime, they closed girls’ schools after a while. Despite the looming fear, I continued studying for the Kankor exam. A night of nights, while watching the news, I heard another shocking announcement: “Girls are no longer allowed to participate in the Kankor exam.” I thought, “What kind of statement is this? They’ve taken all our rights, and now it’s the Kankor exam, too?” With a heavy heart and deep despair, I wondered why we were deprived of education just because we were girls. Tears streamed down my face, and anger squeezed my throat. Days and every day spent, the entrance exam was getting closer and closer.
Boys were busy getting their IDs and biometric scans while girls like me, with a bundle of dreams, stayed home. The boys were happy that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, they would take the entrance examination and be one step closer to their dreams. But I was praying until the day of the entrance exam, which I wish! A miracle will happen so that we can also take the entrance examination. Because personally, I had worked hard and survived hard days to take the exam. But there was no news of a miracle; my repeated crying and moaning had robbed me of the strength to speak.
Thus, the entrance exam was passed in the absence of hundreds of thousands of girls who each had their own dreams. After some time, the results of the entrance examination were announced; The results in which three or four girls were among the top ten every year. But this year, no girls were named in the entrance exam; the entrance exam was the first step for me to reach my goals. But I was imprisoned in the house’s four walls with hundreds of dreams I had for myself, my land, and my people.
Just because I am a girl, finally, like a wounded eagle, I will not stay in the corner of this prison. I will be released from this jail with broken wings and winning claws. For the sake of achieving my dreams, for these three years that my breath has been suffocated in my throat, I will open my wings and fly to the peak of freedom until the time of achieving my dreams and aspirations. #mohajiracademy
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